Posted by: nickgerlich | February 4, 2008

Twittering Away Time

Imagine, for a moment, that you have legions of fans. Imagine again that these fans hang on your every word, and care so much about you that they would like to know each and every move you make. Now imagine that you could actually broadcast this information to all of them.

Too bad this didn’t happen millennia ago. The person who hung the moon could have notified everyone before darkness, and they would have known what was about to happen in the eastern sky.

TwitterWorry no more, though, because Twitter allows you to stay in touch constantly with those adoring fans whom you have duped into thinking it was you who hung the moon. Essentially Web 2.0 on little red pills, Twitter is prayer answered for the obsessive-compulsive, yet another networking site for those without enough work or classes.

And get this: The perpetual question Twitter asks is, “What are you doing now?”

Pardon me if I say this is a tad presumptuous, but does anyone really care enough about you, me, the Man on the Moon, to want to know exactly what you/I/him are/am doing this instant? And then the next instant?

Oh my gosh. You could go crazy trying to keep up with it.

OK, let us pretend for the moment that I have a Twitter account, and that you, my legions of fans, are all part of my little circle of devotees. If I were to really keep you updated, I would have Twittered you the following so far this morning:

  • 5:45: Woke up
  • 5:49: Hopped on bike and rode down to end of driveway to get newspaper (we have a long driveway).
  • 5:51: Started reading Amarillo Globe-News
  • 6:17: Finished reading Globe-News, and completed daily crossword, Sudoku, and Word Jumble (mental calisthenics, you know)
  • 6:18: Headed to computer to clean out my various Inboxes.
  • 7:12: Worked with wife moving and packing various furniture and knick-knacks in anticipation of drywall man coming today to start texturing walls. Renovation is nice, except when you try to live there at the same time.
  • 8:33: Left home in green van, stopping by Dumpster on the way. Bike packed in the back.
  • 8:42: Dropped of van at mechanic to get new brakes. Hopped on bike to ride 0.3 miles to office.
  • 8:43: Man is it cold out today!
  • 8:45: Arrived at office.
  • 8:46: Cleaned out Inboxes (again). I think I have OCD.
  • 8:55: Worked on class admin, group formation, etc.
  • 9:07: Started composing and typing this blog.
  • 9:39: After one interruption, I am still typing.

And at this point, do you really even care what happens next?

I didn’t think so.

Sure, I can see how Twitter could be useful if you need to spam your world and let them know you are in traffic, in a meeting, or whatever. It is far easier than having to text/email/call people individually. Mostly, though, I see Twitter as a way to brag about what you are doing, that none of your friends or family are doing:

  • Lying on the beach in Grand Cayman.
  • Listening to Sammy play guitar in Cabo.
  • Seated behind the 50 yard line in Phoenix this Sunday.
  • Playing in the snow in Vail.
  • Working from home in my jammies.

Oh, wait a minute. If I were doing any of these, I had better make sure my boss isn’t in my little network. My cover would be blown.

At which point I may as well pack up and move to the moon.

Dr “Don’t Give A Twit” Gerlich



  1. Quite a long morning, I bet 🙂

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